oh how you'd have a happy life if you did the things you like

i'm giving this up i think

2006-02-02T05:33:35Z

so i haven't had my computer for over a month + a week or so.. (dec 19?)

but i had to say, my bro's tire popped today. he was stuck outside a jehovah's witnesses building when he called me. i asked him if he was converting.. ah humor to a bad situation indeed! i went to go help him and I got 2 of the nuts off the tire.. he couldn't get any, ha! then i broke the wrench... cause i'm too strong! those things were frozen on there.. i had to call around and found a friend (who i was supposed to be visiting) to come help me. i had to pick up children too which was even better and then my friend can to save the day.. although the last 3 nuts he removed were loosened a tad by my immense muscles.

with the spare on, we all went our merry ways. and now i have a bruise or two from that blasted wrench. damn my muscles..

gone2bsrfr @ 2006-01-19T01:16:00

2006-01-19T06:17:35Z

BEST BUY CAN BURN IN HELL.

fuckin' a.

gone2bsrfr @ 2006-01-11T21:44:00

2006-01-12T02:25:19Z

my computer has been gone since dec 19 or something like that.
i really can't take it.

and i hate school.
the end.

gone2bsrfr @ 2005-12-16T07:45:00

2005-12-16T12:50:34Z

i don't sleep at night.

yea, about that...

gone2bsrfr @ 2005-12-03T02:32:00

2005-12-03T07:59:56Z

i don't know how i'm handling the grieving process.
but i do know that there was a lot of shit going on in my life beforehand.. and that doesn't make things any easier now. my mind is torn up so badly. everything that could possibly go wrong seems to just have happened all at one. these are the best days of my life right? i'd rather not see the mediocre days...

what's wrong with asking for something to just go right?
i just want to be happy

there is no right way or wrong way, you just have to live. so i do what i do & at least I exist.

2005-11-20T09:00:07Z

sunrise, sunset
you will. you? will. you? will. you? will.
the calendar hung itself
false advertising
hit the switch
theme from pinata -
napoleon's hat
falling out of love at this volume
old soul song -
june on the west coast
encore:
gold mine gutted
let's not shit ourselves (to love and be loved)

what could mean more than this?
what could mean more?
mean more?
ooh....

i'm standing alone, kicking and screaming..

2005-11-16T22:38:25Z

for 2 decades i've been around.

i celebrated by having my radio show at midnight... ha. i must say it was a good show. very delicious. more hardcore, mmm.

otherwise i've been pretty introspective lately. my mental and emotional state is doing a number on me too.

and i've had a professor spend 20 minutes a talking to me about how i need to find some direction because i'm wasting time now and just trying to slide by. he's right, which is the troubling part. more so troubling that someone in an authoritative area actually spent time to corner me and point it out, and then rub it in my face and ask me what i'm going to do. "...i don't know.."
maybe if i cared, i would have been ready for this test tomorrow and would be able to do something for my birthday.

doubtful, but maybe.

....ah heck, i'm going to take a birthday nap.

what's with this saddle creek bull shit? ......... wha....

2005-11-10T04:47:30Z

rough few days.. weeks.. whatever..
i'm not a fan of this thing... what do you call it.. school? college.. almost like philosophy, which i'm a fan and probably minoring in by taking hard (note: HARD) classes, the more knowledge you acquire, it raises more questions than it answers. as to my issue, i just don't know what i enjoy anymore since i am bombarded with so much and the future is perpetually looming over me with everyone and thing constantly reminding me as if i was completely oblivious. yes, i lose sleep and concentration over this incessantly, hence why nothing ever gets accomplished. i've even missed shows due to this problem, SHOWS... i don't miss shows... crappy weather helped too.. i mean, i'm not a completely hopeless case, i just need direction. just direction, not 50 ideas that don't go anywhere. this is ridiculous..
where am i going in the world?
i would like to know.

message i liked:
...: good luck on that test! do well so you can have lots of sex on the dance floor tonight!

yes.... sounds good.

and i'm actually going to bed early. imagine that. state of warmth from earlier i want to keep i guess..

gone2bsrfr @ 2005-11-02T15:35:00

2005-11-03T00:10:14Z

:/
not good.
at all.

except maybe one thing.
sigh...

seemed like a good idea at the time

2005-11-01T03:37:11Z

halloween is one of my favorite holidays i must say.
besides my carved pumpkin outside my door, i created my own mischief. and my own blood! oh yes..

i went to all my classes and even gave a presentation as a bloodied zombie. ahahaha.. it was great. everyone i passed stared which made me chuckle. i got a bunch of funny comments as well. i even freaked out my one professor and my adviser. so fun. be jealous!
and pretty soon i'll be going to another meeting as a zombie. my dried blood is making mess. haha

i'm just that cool suckers!

this is the difference between living and not living

2005-10-24T03:20:38Z

missing personally valuable item count: 2

so i have a slight problem with losing things. i lost my rain cloud pin on the trip back from the bathroom after my shower. it's the one i wear almost everyday with a snazzy ribbon as a belt. i can't find it and i am losing my mind looking for it. ahhh.. i am a bit obsessive over silly things but it's personally valuable to me!

but this weekend turned out to be quite interesting otherwise. very very spontaneous. i enjoyed it. oh yes. :)

and this week is going to be intense. i need to catch up on sleep, starting now.

i woke up with the power out, not really something to shout about

2005-10-19T21:23:54Z

break ruled. i'm one happy girl, i love no class. haha.

anyhow, it's going to be an interesting week or two of tests/papers/projects and shows that i don't have time for but i'm doing anyway because it's my life, so if i'm not alive or you don't hear from me you'll know why.

oh, my grandfather's getting major surgery on friday so i may be a bit frazzled this weekend or so as well. everything's adding up.. hugs would be appreciated.

gone2bsrfr @ 2005-10-14T00:32:00

2005-10-14T04:50:56Z

computer fatal error count: 3
and that's only today.

i think it's trying to tell me something but i can't quite put my finger on it.

gone2bsrfr @ 2005-10-12T23:06:00

2005-10-13T03:35:18Z

i have had this catchy melody in my head all day. well, several catchy melodies. thus preventing me from accomplishing too much. that or i kept myself too contently warm wrapped up in a fantastic scarf. and this physics lab report book is just silly.

this has been a weird week so far. my schedule and mindset is horribly thrown off. from the recuperating from the weekend, the humanitarian rescue efforts of my apartment in the lives of some newborn animals, to all the silly classes and work that needs to be done before break including res life paperwork and other random things that are probably important and not so random. people should not schedule mandatory radio meetings this week either. oh well.

i did update my calendar though. it only took half the semester.. and boy that thing's pretty foreboding.. and colorful. haha.

break starts friday, woah. not like i'm never home or anything..
ha, last time i was home, i tried to get my dog to jump on the trampoline with me. he stayed on the ground. i would imagine he was laughing at me as i acted like i was 12. then i gave up and watched cars and clouds. oh home..

i will show you the country and all its secrets...

2005-10-11T06:57:43Z

hello houston.
i saw 4 shows this weekend. that was fantastic. my soul was moved. the physical battery was all taken in stride and well worth it.
i did almost die driving to and from philly on fri/sat. my rear wheel drive 91 bmw doesn't like heavy rain and partially flooded roads. neither do i for that matter and i feared for my life on several occasions. that was terrifying to say the least. i am extremely grateful to alyson who housed me for the night.

on other terms, fall break is this weekend/mon/tues.. [hooray!] although i have to help open housing on tuesday. still, a break is a break. and a properly ventilated/heated house is too welcomed right now.

i could really go for a road trip

or a nice warm bath
wait.. a nap would do the trick
i'm not ready for this terribly long tuesday

gone2bsrfr @ 2005-10-04T00:51:00

2005-10-04T04:53:43Z

i lost my ring.
i bought it in arizona when my family went to the grand canyon.
it's a simple worn ring but it represents so much...

gone2bsrfr @ 2005-10-02T23:31:00

2005-10-03T03:34:45Z

regret and procrastination.
two things i need to get over. more so the latter.
and find some ambition.

asap.

gone2bsrfr @ 2005-09-30T15:37:00

2005-09-30T19:38:10Z

sorry but this needed to be posted somewhere!

QuitebrighT: i love facebook
QuitebrighT: not only is it a powerful stalk for fun tool
QuitebrighT: but it's a powerful stalk for business tool!

the truth is in writing.
:)
ahahhahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa

she's got the photos but no recollection..

2005-09-30T06:25:27Z

i contracted the plague.
it makes me wake up weird hours of the night. i don't like it one bit. especially since i was asleep before 9pm. and i have to be ready for 2 weeks of shows... it's madness i tell you, madness! i mean, i go to college...

now my stomach's revolting against me too. i think i'll ignore it and try sleeping again.

i have had lyrics about love stuck in my head all blasted day. and i hate it. raaah.

and there's this tiny (fruit?) fly in my room... it won't go away.

lux courageous broke up. this makes me sad.

2005-09-24T04:54:21Z

this week was very busy and i did many things.
i dropped a class and i took 2 big tests and wrote a long paper.
visited my family for the kids' games and sister's birthday.
went to a show and hung out with part of a band for a little.
hung out with jess today because she's cool.
lots of other things have slipped my mind already.
time.. my life.. just seems to be wasting away..

oh christ -- i'm not that desperate -- oh no, oh god, i am...

2005-09-19T06:24:01Z

i'm lost, so lost..

school, the future, my mind, emotional status, what the hell is going on anymore... i'm not overwhelmed with it all, just frustrated with the idea of all of it that i don't want to think about any of it anymore. hence why i just drove away on saturday. but then again, i can't escape myself.
i had to come back to school so i could sit here in this shoddy room at all hours by my lonesome. ...i'm not getting anywhere.

oh please don't barage me with the questions to all those ugly answers..

2005-09-16T06:28:47Z

yesterday was fantastic. amazing. spectacular. extraordinary. etc, etc.
why you ask?
well...
i saw CURSIVE.

no big deal.
just one of the greatest shows i've ever been to.

gone2bsrfr @ 2005-09-10T22:53:00

2005-09-11T02:58:43Z

i did see a show which was fantastic. i just wish i could take it home with me.

i'm wearing a pretty shirt, i think i look pretty for once, maybe, and i have no where to go.

i am sitting in my room, alone.

emo dancing time..

2005-09-08T01:15:33Z

i'm over my hair now.
plus i bought a fun fantastic hat (screamo "scene" hat as someone called it)
i'll post pictures once i figure out how steve.
basically once i get them on-line.
which = never.
cause i don't have one of those silly sites.
yeah...

why don't i just buy some black dye already...

2005-09-06T03:19:52Z

i look stupid.

i was so excited for a haircut that i couldn't sleep the night before.
now i can't look in the mirror without getting sick.
i'm not leaving my room.

(just a note: these layers, they scare me.. my "trim" cost me over 7 inches of hair in parts...)